Why is it not good for man to be alone? In Moses 3:18, the
Lord tells us that He created Eve as a “help-meet” for Adam. There is a pause
in the action of the account of the creation in Abraham 5:14, wherein the Gods
discuss this issue. Why the pause? You, Brother Thomas, in class posed that the
pause is for emphasis, because it has great meaning for our lives. In my
further inquiry, I sought to find the meaning behind those words. It is
doctrine that we cannot obtain the highest degree of Celestial glory without
being sealed (D&C 131:2), but why is that so? Why does God place such
import on marriage, when the world considers it arbitrary and rather out-dated?
I did not seek to obtain a specific number of answers to my question, but did
end up finding a significant amount. I can loosely place my discoveries into
seven categories, as follows: To develop faith, to develop other Christ-like
attributes, to fulfill God’s purposes in raising children, to progress
eternally like God, to become one, to find equality and completion in one
another, and to find true happiness in this life and in the next.
- To
Develop Faith
The most startling connection I made was the connection
between faith and marriage. President Hugh B. Brown compared the
marriage covenant to the sacrament. He says that such a holy ordinance “is
essentially an act of faith, solemnized in the presence of a divine partner.
There must be faith and courage to see it through, to endure to the end,
despite the difficulties, trials, disappointments, and occasional bereavements
which may be encountered” (Brown, 2011). It seems to me that the more I go
through life, the more I realize that life is a test of my faith in God and in
others. Marriage is a big deal. It is completely trusting someone with our
lives: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I think every mortal has had
someone let them down in their life before, and thus have just cause to be
doubtful of someone’s trustworthiness.
Personally, I come from a family that endured a lot of
contention as I was growing up, eventually culminating in disintegration when
my mother and stepfather divorced when I was seventeen. The marriage that I saw
within the walls of my own home was not the divine ideal we speak of in church.
That is one of the reasons why for me, marriage is a fearful prospect. It is a
risk that I must take if I want to invest in eternal progression. It requires
faith, trust, and extreme vulnerability. I don’t think Heavenly Father wants us
to be hardened, cynical, fearful creatures. He wants us to realize how much He
loves us, but He can’t bless us if we are too afraid to receive those
blessings. If we give people a chance and believe in them, they will not
disappoint us. The development of faith in God and in others, then, is one of
the means and the purposes of marriage.
2. To
become more like Christ
Similarly, the very qualities that are needed to make a
marriage successful are also reasons to take the jump into eternal marriage.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that “Successful marriages and
families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer,
repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome
recreational activities.” Without the guiding hand and blessings of God
in the marriage, it will fail. Elder James A. Faust was firm when he said,
“Marriages can die from a lack of spiritual nourishment” (Faust, 2007). Without
humbling ourselves to God’s influence, we are subject to our own mortal
weaknesses.
That is why the principle of repentance is critical in
marriage. In our marriages, when we “regularly conduct honest self-examination
and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve, [we] experience a healing
balm in our marriages” (Clayton, 2013). Perhaps because of my artistic
tendencies, I am able to find an area of improvement in almost anything,
especially in myself. Although it can be painful to realize our weaknesses, it
is for a wise purpose that God gives them to us. He wants us to know that
through Christ, we can overcome them (Ether 12:27).
There are many other Christ-like qualities that a good
marriage will bring out in a person, including humility, dedication, listening
skills, and selflessness. About his wife, Elder Richard G. Scott reflects,
“Jeanene’s kindness taught me so many valuable things. I was
so immature, and she was so disciplined and so spiritual. Marriage provides an
ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered. I
think one of the reasons that we are counseled to get married early in life is
to avoid developing inappropriate character traits that are hard to change”
(Scott, 2011).
It is not my intent to extoll the necessity of each of these
Christ-like attributes, but to point out that without these attributes, a
marriage will fail. And yet it is marriage itself that is the best place to
refine and develop these qualities. No other role in life stretches and reveals
us so much.
3. To fulfill God’s purposes through children
The Family: A Proclamation to the World very clearly
expounds the roles of a man and woman as parents, which is exemplified from the
very beginning, with Adam and Eve. The very first commandment that God gave to
them was to “be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the Earth” (Genesis 1:28).
The Proclamation states that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds
of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows
with complete fidelity.”
Although I do not have specific statistics, I know from
personal experience and from anecdotal observation that happy temple marriages
produce more diligence, faith, and happiness in children than unhappy marriages
or split families. After all, Helaman’s two thousand stripling warriors “did
not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than
they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if
they did not doubt, God would deliver them” (Alma 56:47). Investing in an
eternal marriage is investing in the salvation of the children from that
marriage.
Since God’s single purpose is to “bring to pass the
immortality and the eternal life of man,” if we are to be like God, we must use
our mortal lives to practice saving souls (Moses 1:39). By being sealed, we
show our willingness to obtain the highest degree of salvation in the Celestial
Kingdom, which means eternal increase. From what President Hugh B. Brown says
in the “Latter-Day Concept of Marriage”, I think that eternal increase has to
do with the saving of souls. It takes two in this life, and it will take two in
the next. Only those who endure to the end with their eternal companions now
will be prepared to assist in the chain of salvation in the next.
4. Eternally progressing in family roles
Speaking of eternal progression, there is another aspect to
it that I found. As Latter-Day Saints, we often refer to Christ as both the
“father” and the “son” (Mosiah 15:2). Christ is the Son because He is the
Begotten Son of God, chosen to atone for our sins. Yet because He atoned for
our sins, we can only become heirs of the Father through Him. Thus Christ is
the father of our salvation.
Similarly, in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom,
we will be sealed not only to our immediate family, but also to their parents,
and their parents, and their parents, and so on. We will therefore
simultaneously occupy the position of parent to our children, child to our
parents. This chain continues indefinitely both behind (ancestors) and in front
(descendants) of us. We become more like Christ as we learn how to fulfill all
these roles in the eternities (Gong, 2010). But the blessing of this eternal
increase - eternally becoming - is only available to us if we are sealed
into the great human family by means of our sealing to our companion.
5. Becoming one
This is the discovery that I anticipated when beginning my
inquiry. I have always wondered at the distinctness of every human being.
Although I know intellectually that we are all children of God, and we all have
fairly similar needs, fears, and motivations, sometimes it seems that my own
thoughts alienate me from the rest of the human race. That I am the only one
who appreciates the things I do, or feels my particular brand of vulnerability.
On Earth, we are bound within the walls of our physical bodies. We cannot touch
someone spirit to spirit as the Holy Ghost can, so we must instead resort to
fallible logic and language to explain our feelings.
The beauty of marriage is that we can bridge this chasm and
start to become one. In Moses 3:23, Adam says of Eve, “This I know now is bone
of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was
taken out of man.” In marriage, we can physically become one through sexual
intimacy, which Elder Holland refers to as a sacrament,
“not only a symbolic union between a man and a woman--the
uniting of their very souls--but it is also symbolic of a union between mortals
and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare
and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life
in this wide universe of ours” (Holland, 1989).
Jesus spoke to the Pharisees of the importance of becoming
one in marriage when he said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother, and cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore,
they are no more twain, but are one flesh. What therefore God hath joined
together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5-6). In day to day marriage, we
are expected to share everything with each other, including the tender,
insecure, fearful parts of ourselves that we hide from the rest of the world.
Every person on Earth sings a different song, weaves a
different life with their everyday choices. But we were not meant to sing
alone. In Celestial marriage, “The most perfect music is the welding of two
voices into one spiritual song” (Faust, 2007). There is nothing quite like a
moment of complete harmony, where two people’s purposes support and beautify
one another in unity. One man’s last journal entry exemplifies what we can
become in marriage, through his tribute to his wife:
“Where you are is home. Where you are not is homesickness.
As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love, although
love is the greatest thing in earth. It is loyalty. For were I driven away in
shame you would follow. If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe
me. With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of
Heaven” (Hafen, 2007).
As humans, we need the joy that comes from overcoming the
gulf. We need to know that there is someone on this Earth who feels what we
feel and will stand united with us forever. Luckily, if a person lives
righteously, seeking to align his or her will with God’s, God will bless the
marriage with greater oneness. And as a person seeks to become one with his or
her spouse, they will both grow to be more one with God. It is an elegant,
eternal triad between husband, wife, and God.
6. To equally complete one another
Along the same lines as oneness, is the doctrine that men
and women complete each other. I put this in a separate category because whereas
“oneness” is abstract - the details often intuitively, but not verbally
understood - “completing” one another can be defined and expounded upon in more
concrete terms.
President Hinckley states, “In his grand design when God
first created man, he created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression
of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the
other, as Paul stated, ‘Neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman
without the man in the Lord’ ” (Hinckley, 2004; 1 Corinthians 11:11). We know
from the Family: A Proclamation to the World, that men and women have distinct,
but equal roles to play in the family. There are some nowadays who say that
these gender roles are subjective and expired. Those who say so are lost in the
devil’s deception, and cannot understand the joy that comes from fulfilling
one’s specific duty as a man or woman on this Earth. Frequently under attack is
the ideal of a woman spending her days at home with the children instead of
entering the workforce. But in the eyes of the Lord, it is a noble calling and
responsibility for women, for “what job in life could possibly be more
important than molding the character of another human being?” (Benson, 1981)
In Genesis 3:16, God sets Adam’s role to “rule over” Eve.
Elder Hafen disagrees with the common interpretation of this scripture, which
is that a man must dominate or take precedence over his wife. Instead, Elder
Hafen suggests that a man’s role is to be the “measuring stick” of
righteousness for his wife, as “being a ruler is not so much a privilege of
power as it is an obligation for a man to practice what he preaches” (Hafen,
2007). God clearly does not want any sort of unrighteous dominion in Celestial
marriages. If so, “the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn,
Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man” (D&C 121:37).
It is a couple’s differences that provide variety and
excitement to a marriage. From the many young men that I have spent time with
in my college years, I can easily recount the differences between them and
myself. For the most part, it seems that men are better able to focus deeply on
one subject at a time, and have a hard time multitasking. One time I was
talking to a friend on the phone while he was at the grocery store. He was so
focused on our conversation that he walked out of the store without paying for
his soda! Shortly after realizing his mistake, he told me he’d have to end the
call so that he could focus on paying for his purchase.
Although men and women have different responsibilities in
marriage - the man to provide and preside, the woman to support and nurture -
individual characteristics vary. This is why it is so critical to get to know
someone thoroughly during through dating before making an eternal covenant. It
is the process is when a couple compares one another’s weaknesses and
strengths. Ideally, both the man and the woman, although different, will push
each other to be the best that they can be. Just as a house divided cannot
stand, so a marriage must be equally yoked (Mark 3:25, 2 Corinthians 6:14).
7. To find joy in this life and in the next
When Elder James A. Faust was still practicing law, he dealt
with many divorce cases. He ran into one of his clients years after he had
helped her receive her divorce, and “noticed that the years of loneliness and
discouragement were evident on her once-beautiful face… she was quick to say
that life had not been rich and rewarding for her, and she was tired of facing
the struggle alone” (Faust, 2007). The woman told Elder Faust that if she could
re-live her life, she would have not had chosen to get a divorce. The
so-glorified single life was worse.
Perhaps it is merely the age group I fall into, but I know
quite a few people who claim that marriage is constricting, and that they find
greater happiness in being single. First of all, as a future therapist, I
question their definition of happiness and their method of self-evaluation. It is
not natural for humans to live their lives alone, which is why we face so much
loneliness in this life.
I started out this semester with a resolve to focus entirely
on my schoolwork, and to avoid distractions, because I’m trying to get straight
A’s so that I can transfer to BYU Provo. I even joked with my roommates that I
was actively trying NOT to make any friends. Needless to say, despite all my
efforts to avoid eye contact with attractive young men in the hallways, I
stumbled into a friendship a few weeks ago that forces me to reevaluate my
mindset. This friend of mine shares all the same interests I do, like art,
writing, learning Russian, and making music. Last week he invited me to an
organ recital, and I am teaching him how to dance. We find time together nearly
every day to discuss ideas and share our enthusiasm with each other. Have my
studies suffered? Perhaps, marginally. But is it worth it? I think it is. I
laugh more now that I spend time with him. I am pushed to think more deeply
about spiritual matters, and to trust God more. I find more opportunities to
develop my talents, because I know that he appreciates them and is excited when
I develop them.
More concretely, my cousin at BYU Provo is a psychology
major and recently participated in a study that suggests that “loneliness and
social isolation are just as much a threat to longevity as obesity.” The lead
author of the study, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, affirms that “ ‘We need to start
taking our social relationships more seriously’ ” (BYU News, 2015). After
reading the study results, I teased my new friend that by spending time
together, we weren’t neglecting our schoolwork, we were merely helping one
another to live longer. Although we spoke in jest, really, the study provides
temporal weight to the doctrine of marriage. We find greater joy in life when
we have someone to share it with. As we give our time and souls to our
companion, our own joy is multiplied to a new level.
In Parley P. Pratt’s autobiography, he expresses gratitude
to Joseph Smith for expanding Parley’s appreciation of love and marriage.
Joseph taught him,
“... that the wife of my bosom might be secured to me for
time and all eternity; and that the refined sympathies and affections which
endeared us to each other emanated from the fountain of divine eternal love… I
had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved – with a pureness – with
an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the
transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean… In
short, I could now love with the spirit and the understanding also. Yet, at
that time, my dearly beloved brother, Joseph Smith, had… merely lifted a corner
of the veil and given me a single glance into eternity” (Bednar, 2006).
Parley’s tender words capture the essence of joyful
marriage, both mortally and eternally. It was only after Joseph taught him of
the Plan of Salvation that his joy in love was able to expand to such new
heights. We can find happiness on this Earth through living the principles of
the Gospel, but it cannot compare to the happiness we will find in eternity. As
we live worthy of a Celestial marriage, God will grant to us a glimpse of
eternal joy. Do I fully comprehend the joy that comes from marriage? No. I can
hypothesize based on comparative relationships; I can interview married
persons; I can read talks given by apostles of the Lord; I can even ponder
these things at the temple. But I cannot fully understand it because I have not
yet lived it. Yet I have faith that someday I will find incomparable joy in
marriage.
WORKS CITED
1 Corinthians 11:11
2 Corinthians 6:14
Abraham 5:14
Alma 56:47
Bednar, David A. “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal
Plan,” June 2006 Ensign.
Benson, Ezra Taft. “The Honored Place of Women,” October
1981 General Conference
Brown, Hugh B. “The Latter-Day Concept of Marriage,” June
2011 Ensign.
Brigham Young University News. “Prescription for Living
Longer: Spend less time alone,” 15 March 2015.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. “The
Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 1995.
Clayton, L. Whitney. “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” April 2013
General Conference.
Doctrine & Covenants 121:37, 131:2
Ether 12:27
Faust, James A. “Enriching Your Marriage,” April 2011
Ensign.
Genesis 1:28, 3:16
Gong, Gerrit W. “Temple Mirrors of Eternity: A Testimony of
Family,” October 2010 General Conference.
Hafen, Bruce C. & Marie K. “Crossing Thresholds and
Becoming Equal Partners,” August 2007 Ensign.
Hinckley, Gordon B. “The Women in Our Lives,” October 2004
General Conference.
Holland, Jeffrey R. “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,”
Brigham Young University, 1989.
Mark 3:25
Matthew 19:5-6
Moses 1:39, 3:18-23;
Mosiah 15:2
Scott, Richard G. “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage,” April 2011 General Conference.
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