When I was at BYU-Idaho, I had a friend once ask me: Why? Why
do I want to be married, and why do I want to have children? From my friend’s
perspective, it was a waste of the prime time of one’s life. His viewpoint was
that there are so many things to be in this world! Anyone can be a mother;
don’t you want to be something different, something AWESOME? Although I fumbled
for words to answer his question, inwardly I felt a steel defiance to his
question. There is nothing more important than motherhood, my heart told me.
But I lacked the ability to help him see.
Now, on Mother’s day, especially with the assigning of this
talk, I am forced to reevaluate. I want to dig deeper and try to put into words
what I couldn't do a couple of months ago.
We constantly speak about motherhood as the duty of women.
That is what we OUGHT to do, it is commanded by God. The Family: A Proclamation
to the World says that “The first commandment given to Adam and Eve pertained
to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s
commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in
force.” The proclamation continues, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the
nurture of their children.” Okay, so there’s one good reason to be married and
have children: Because God commanded it.
“Because God commanded it,” is a valid reason in and of
itself. It is reason Number One that I want to be a mother. When Adam knelt and
offered sacrifices to the Lord in the wilderness, the angel asked him, “Why dost
thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord?” And Adam responded, “I know not, save the
Lord commanded me” (Moses 5:6). The angel then proceeded to tell Adam that his
sacrifice to the Lord was a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Did Adam fully
understand the reason behind the commandment? No. But he did it anyway, because
he trusted in the Lord. And eventually, because of his faith and obedience, the
reasons were revealed to him.
I acknowledge the fact that we ought to obey first, and ask
why second. Nevertheless, I believe the “why” of the matter is critical to
everything we do in life. Thus, I will attempt to explain my feelings regarding
the “why” of motherhood, with the caveat that my knowledge is limited; and
there could be much more than what my mind conjures.
Why do I want to be a mother?
When I was researching Eternal Marriage for my Pearl of
Great Price class this past semester, I came across a quote that hit me with
force:
“Being a wife and a mother and having a family is my first
priority. This is more important than a college degree, a job, developing
talents, or anything else. What job in life could possibly be more important
than molding the character of another human being?”
Molding the character of another human being does not mean
manipulation, guile, or self-gratification. One prevailing world-view is that
parents should not impose religion on their child, instead letting them grow up
and choose for themselves. To do so would be to “indoctrinate” the child,
essentially leading them into false paths, setting the child up for inevitable
turmoil and heartache once the blindfold is ripped off. This supposition is
founded on the assumption that
a) the parent does not know what is truly true,
b) a religion imposed by the parents is a blindfold, or a
view of life that hinders the child,
and c) the blindfold will inevitably fall.
In “the Responsibility of Parents,” Delbert Stapley wisely
states:
“Unless they teach their children the principles of the
gospel and see that they are baptized, the Lord has said that ‘the sin be upon
the heads of the parents.’ The Lord did not make it an optional instruction to
parents to permit their children to grow up and decide for themselves whether
they should be baptized or not. He made the duty of parents very plain when he
said, ‘For this shall be a law unto the inhabitants of Zion, . . . and their
children shall be baptized . . . when eight years old, and receive the laying
on of hands.’ ... Spencer Kinard, in one of his sermonettes given in connection
with the national Sunday broadcasts of the Tabernacle Choir, made this
interesting and significant observation, ‘If God had wanted us to be
permissive, he would have given us ten suggestions instead of ten commandments.’
”
A father and mother’s natural place is to teach children. If
one trusts one’s parents enough to learn history, politics, mathematics, and
social skills from them, one trusts them enough to believe that they also know
truth in regards to spiritual things. Ultimately, that knowledge must propel
the child to seek for truth on his own, through the Holy Spirit. “For by the
power of the Holy Ghost, ye may know the truth of all things.”
In regards to the blindfold, that is one of Satan’s lies. The
Gospel of Jesus Christ does not hinder our progression, rather, it enlightens
our path and helps us to see where we must go. It puts everything in
perspective. The prodigal son likely felt that he had been duped by his parents
his whole life, and thus wanted to go out and do the things he considered
important. Eventually, he realized that the treasured life he had so long
sought held nothing for him in the long run, returned to his family, and was
welcomed home with open arms.
Although we will most likely hear sometime in our lives that
we are being too pushy, or are “imposing” our beliefs on our children, family,
or friends, that should not deter us from living the Gospel faithfully as an
example. The closer we grow to Christ, the more love we have for others, and
the more we want to share the good news with them! But we are often not in a
position to advise them in all manners, which is why motherhood is such a
blessing.
With the children entrusted to us from the start, we can
start with a fresh slate. These souls have come directly from their Father in
Heaven, and are pure, and open to receiving instruction, without any of the
hardness and hurt that comes from living life. Thus, reason Number Two is
because I can have an indelible influence on my children for righteousness that
I will not have with any other people on Earth.
The third reason, and the reason that is closest to my
heart, is because I already am one. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I will
assure you that yes, I am only twenty years old, never been married, and I
assure you that I have never borne a child. Let me explain.
Sister Sheri L. Dew gave a talk a few years ago about
mothers, which is interesting because she herself is unmarried and does not
have children of her own, in the biological, care for every day sense. She
shared this story:
“This summer four teenage nieces and I shared a tense Sunday
evening when we set out walking from a downtown hotel in a city we were
visiting to a nearby chapel where I was to speak. I had made that walk many
times, but that evening we suddenly found ourselves engulfed by an enormous mob
of drunken parade-goers. It was no place for four teenage girls, or their aunt,
I might add. But with the streets closed to traffic, we had no choice but to keep
walking. Over the din, I shouted to the girls, ‘Stay right with me.’ As we
maneuvered through the crush of humanity, the only thing on my mind was my
nieces’ safety.
Thankfully, we finally made it to the chapel. But for one
unnerving hour, I better understood how mothers who forgo their own safety to
protect a child must feel. My siblings had entrusted me with their daughters,
whom I love, and I would have done anything to lead them to safety. Likewise,
our Father has entrusted us as women with His children, and He has asked us to
love them and help lead them safely past the dangers of mortality back home.”
At that moment, Sister Dew was a mother to those girls. She
felt a portion of the love their own mothers felt for them. The ONLY thing on
her mind was the girls’ safety, and she would have done ANYTHING to lead them
to safety.
Have you ever felt such a powerful, all-encompassing concern
for another human being? Where your sole purpose was to keep them safe? What
would you have done in that moment, to accomplish that task? I know that there
are people in my life that I would risk life and limb for, just to keep them
safe, just to lead them back to spiritual solid ground.
It is the feeling that says: I am a poor college student,
but I would go into debt to help you. I have only 24 hours in a day, but I
would forsake all, just to ease your burden. I am weak. My body sporadically
fails me, but I would crawl on hands and knees to get to you. I would do
ANYTHING to ensure that you don’t feel lost, scared, lonely, or in despair.
That want – that single-minded, desperate desire for someone
to be safe and happy – is the essence of motherhood. And as women, we don’t
need to wait until we bear children to be mothers. Later on in her talk, Sheri
Dew quotes President Gordon B. Hinckley, “ ‘God planted within women something
divine.’ 6 That
something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught
that ‘men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them
saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent
right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the
regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.’ ” 7
We have an inherent right and authority to be the saviors of
human souls. We can do this a myriad of ways, like going on a mission, loving
our siblings and extended family, doing visiting teaching, and simply being a
friend. Regardless of the name that people may give it, it is all mothering,
for mothering is more than bearing children. Being a mother is living with
charity, or the pure love of Christ. It requires us to be like Him. One could
even say,
“A mother suffereth long, and is kind;
Mother envieth not; Mother vaunteth not herself, is not puffed up,
doth not behave herself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not
easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but
rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all
things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Motherhood never faileth:
but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail;
whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there
be knowledge, it shall vanish away… And now
abideth faith, hope, motherhood, these three; but the greatest
of these is Mother.”
I have seen my mother suffer much for the sake of her
children. I have seen her give up food, money, time, and security just to
ensure that we are safe and loved. She is not one who express tender emotions
easily, but from her actions, from the way she rejoices in the Gospel, I know
that she loves the Lord, and wants the best for us. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell
said, “Spiritual sensitivity keeps the women of God hoping long after many
others have ceased.”
I want to be a mother because I love God and his
commandments, I want to influence someone powerfully for good, and because I
already am one. All of us, whether we are male or female, old or young, married
or single, can obtain that spiritual nurturing quality of mothers, if we just
come to Christ. If we come to Him, He will show us who needs to be loved, who
needs us to lead them back to Him. I have a testimony of motherhood, and of the
Gospel. I know God lives, and He wants us to love each other as He loves us.
That means never losing hope for the ones we love. That is the great quest of
life. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
FURTHER READING
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
Benson, Ezra Taft. “The Honored Place of Women”
Dew, Shari L. “Are We Not All Mothers?”
The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995
Matthew Cowley Speaks (1954), 109.
Maxwell, Neal A. “The Women of God”
Moroni 10:5
Moses 5:6
Nielson, Brent H. "Waiting for the Prodigal"
Stapley, Delbert. “The Responsibility of Parents”
Stapley, Delbert. “The Responsibility of Parents”
Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley (1997), 387.
