My Myriad Musings

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Why I Want to Be a Mother

When I was at BYU-Idaho, I had a friend once ask me: Why? Why do I want to be married, and why do I want to have children? From my friend’s perspective, it was a waste of the prime time of one’s life. His viewpoint was that there are so many things to be in this world! Anyone can be a mother; don’t you want to be something different, something AWESOME? Although I fumbled for words to answer his question, inwardly I felt a steel defiance to his question. There is nothing more important than motherhood, my heart told me. But I lacked the ability to help him see.

Now, on Mother’s day, especially with the assigning of this talk, I am forced to reevaluate. I want to dig deeper and try to put into words what I couldn't do a couple of months ago.

We constantly speak about motherhood as the duty of women. That is what we OUGHT to do, it is commanded by God. The Family: A Proclamation to the World says that “The first commandment given to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” The proclamation continues, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Okay, so there’s one good reason to be married and have children: Because God commanded it.

“Because God commanded it,” is a valid reason in and of itself. It is reason Number One that I want to be a mother. When Adam knelt and offered sacrifices to the Lord in the wilderness, the angel asked him, “Why dost thou offer sacrifices unto the Lord?” And Adam responded, “I know not, save the Lord commanded me” (Moses 5:6). The angel then proceeded to tell Adam that his sacrifice to the Lord was a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice for us. Did Adam fully understand the reason behind the commandment? No. But he did it anyway, because he trusted in the Lord. And eventually, because of his faith and obedience, the reasons were revealed to him.

I acknowledge the fact that we ought to obey first, and ask why second. Nevertheless, I believe the “why” of the matter is critical to everything we do in life. Thus, I will attempt to explain my feelings regarding the “why” of motherhood, with the caveat that my knowledge is limited; and there could be much more than what my mind conjures.

Why do I want to be a mother?

When I was researching Eternal Marriage for my Pearl of Great Price class this past semester, I came across a quote that hit me with force:

“Being a wife and a mother and having a family is my first priority. This is more important than a college degree, a job, developing talents, or anything else. What job in life could possibly be more important than molding the character of another human being?”

Molding the character of another human being does not mean manipulation, guile, or self-gratification. One prevailing world-view is that parents should not impose religion on their child, instead letting them grow up and choose for themselves. To do so would be to “indoctrinate” the child, essentially leading them into false paths, setting the child up for inevitable turmoil and heartache once the blindfold is ripped off. This supposition is founded on the assumption that

a) the parent does not know what is truly true,

b) a religion imposed by the parents is a blindfold, or a view of life that hinders the child,

and c) the blindfold will inevitably fall.

In “the Responsibility of Parents,” Delbert Stapley wisely states:

“Unless they teach their children the principles of the gospel and see that they are baptized, the Lord has said that ‘the sin be upon the heads of the parents.’ The Lord did not make it an optional instruction to parents to permit their children to grow up and decide for themselves whether they should be baptized or not. He made the duty of parents very plain when he said, ‘For this shall be a law unto the inhabitants of Zion, . . . and their children shall be baptized . . . when eight years old, and receive the laying on of hands.’ ... Spencer Kinard, in one of his sermonettes given in connection with the national Sunday broadcasts of the Tabernacle Choir, made this interesting and significant observation, ‘If God had wanted us to be permissive, he would have given us ten suggestions instead of ten commandments.’ ”

A father and mother’s natural place is to teach children. If one trusts one’s parents enough to learn history, politics, mathematics, and social skills from them, one trusts them enough to believe that they also know truth in regards to spiritual things. Ultimately, that knowledge must propel the child to seek for truth on his own, through the Holy Spirit. “For by the power of the Holy Ghost, ye may know the truth of all things.”

In regards to the blindfold, that is one of Satan’s lies. The Gospel of Jesus Christ does not hinder our progression, rather, it enlightens our path and helps us to see where we must go. It puts everything in perspective. The prodigal son likely felt that he had been duped by his parents his whole life, and thus wanted to go out and do the things he considered important. Eventually, he realized that the treasured life he had so long sought held nothing for him in the long run, returned to his family, and was welcomed home with open arms.

Although we will most likely hear sometime in our lives that we are being too pushy, or are “imposing” our beliefs on our children, family, or friends, that should not deter us from living the Gospel faithfully as an example. The closer we grow to Christ, the more love we have for others, and the more we want to share the good news with them! But we are often not in a position to advise them in all manners, which is why motherhood is such a blessing.

With the children entrusted to us from the start, we can start with a fresh slate. These souls have come directly from their Father in Heaven, and are pure, and open to receiving instruction, without any of the hardness and hurt that comes from living life. Thus, reason Number Two is because I can have an indelible influence on my children for righteousness that I will not have with any other people on Earth.

The third reason, and the reason that is closest to my heart, is because I already am one. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I will assure you that yes, I am only twenty years old, never been married, and I assure you that I have never borne a child. Let me explain.

Sister Sheri L. Dew gave a talk a few years ago about mothers, which is interesting because she herself is unmarried and does not have children of her own, in the biological, care for every day sense. She shared this story:

“This summer four teenage nieces and I shared a tense Sunday evening when we set out walking from a downtown hotel in a city we were visiting to a nearby chapel where I was to speak. I had made that walk many times, but that evening we suddenly found ourselves engulfed by an enormous mob of drunken parade-goers. It was no place for four teenage girls, or their aunt, I might add. But with the streets closed to traffic, we had no choice but to keep walking. Over the din, I shouted to the girls, ‘Stay right with me.’ As we maneuvered through the crush of humanity, the only thing on my mind was my nieces’ safety.

Thankfully, we finally made it to the chapel. But for one unnerving hour, I better understood how mothers who forgo their own safety to protect a child must feel. My siblings had entrusted me with their daughters, whom I love, and I would have done anything to lead them to safety. Likewise, our Father has entrusted us as women with His children, and He has asked us to love them and help lead them safely past the dangers of mortality back home.”

At that moment, Sister Dew was a mother to those girls. She felt a portion of the love their own mothers felt for them. The ONLY thing on her mind was the girls’ safety, and she would have done ANYTHING to lead them to safety.

Have you ever felt such a powerful, all-encompassing concern for another human being? Where your sole purpose was to keep them safe? What would you have done in that moment, to accomplish that task? I know that there are people in my life that I would risk life and limb for, just to keep them safe, just to lead them back to spiritual solid ground.

It is the feeling that says: I am a poor college student, but I would go into debt to help you. I have only 24 hours in a day, but I would forsake all, just to ease your burden. I am weak. My body sporadically fails me, but I would crawl on hands and knees to get to you. I would do ANYTHING to ensure that you don’t feel lost, scared, lonely, or in despair.

That want – that single-minded, desperate desire for someone to be safe and happy – is the essence of motherhood. And as women, we don’t need to wait until we bear children to be mothers. Later on in her talk, Sheri Dew quotes President Gordon B. Hinckley, “ ‘God planted within women something divine.’⁶That something is the gift and the gifts of motherhood. Elder Matthew Cowley taught that ‘men have to have something given to them [in mortality] to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. [They] are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls … and the regenerating force in the lives of God’s children.’ ”⁷

We have an inherent right and authority to be the saviors of human souls. We can do this a myriad of ways, like going on a mission, loving our siblings and extended family, doing visiting teaching, and simply being a friend. Regardless of the name that people may give it, it is all mothering, for mothering is more than bearing children. Being a mother is living with charity, or the pure love of Christ. It requires us to be like Him. One could even say,

“A mother suffereth long, and is kind; Mother envieth not; Mother vaunteth not herself, is not puffed up, doth not behave herself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Motherhood never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away… And now abideth faith, hope, motherhood, these three; but the greatest of these is Mother.”

I have seen my mother suffer much for the sake of her children. I have seen her give up food, money, time, and security just to ensure that we are safe and loved. She is not one who express tender emotions easily, but from her actions, from the way she rejoices in the Gospel, I know that she loves the Lord, and wants the best for us. As Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “Spiritual sensitivity keeps the women of God hoping long after many others have ceased.”

I want to be a mother because I love God and his commandments, I want to influence someone powerfully for good, and because I already am one. All of us, whether we are male or female, old or young, married or single, can obtain that spiritual nurturing quality of mothers, if we just come to Christ. If we come to Him, He will show us who needs to be loved, who needs us to lead them back to Him. I have a testimony of motherhood, and of the Gospel. I know God lives, and He wants us to love each other as He loves us. That means never losing hope for the ones we love. That is the great quest of life. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Eternal Marriage: Why?

(An inquiry I conducted for my Pearl of Great Price class this past semester)

Why is it not good for man to be alone? In Moses 3:18, the Lord tells us that He created Eve as a “help-meet” for Adam. There is a pause in the action of the account of the creation in Abraham 5:14, wherein the Gods discuss this issue. Why the pause? You, Brother Thomas, in class posed that the pause is for emphasis, because it has great meaning for our lives. In my further inquiry, I sought to find the meaning behind those words. It is doctrine that we cannot obtain the highest degree of Celestial glory without being sealed (D&C 131:2), but why is that so? Why does God place such import on marriage, when the world considers it arbitrary and rather out-dated?

I did not seek to obtain a specific number of answers to my question, but did end up finding a significant amount. I can loosely place my discoveries into seven categories, as follows: To develop faith, to develop other Christ-like attributes, to fulfill God’s purposes in raising children, to progress eternally like God, to become one, to find equality and completion in one another, and to find true happiness in this life and in the next.

To Develop Faith

The most startling connection I made was the connection between faith and marriage. President Hugh B. Brown compared the marriage covenant to the sacrament. He says that such a holy ordinance “is essentially an act of faith, solemnized in the presence of a divine partner. There must be faith and courage to see it through, to endure to the end, despite the difficulties, trials, disappointments, and occasional bereavements which may be encountered” (Brown, 2011). It seems to me that the more I go through life, the more I realize that life is a test of my faith in God and in others. Marriage is a big deal. It is completely trusting someone with our lives: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I think every mortal has had someone let them down in their life before, and thus have just cause to be doubtful of someone’s trustworthiness.

Personally, I come from a family that endured a lot of contention as I was growing up, eventually culminating in disintegration when my mother and stepfather divorced when I was seventeen. The marriage that I saw within the walls of my own home was not the divine ideal we speak of in church. That is one of the reasons why for me, marriage is a fearful prospect. It is a risk that I must take if I want to invest in eternal progression. It requires faith, trust, and extreme vulnerability. I don’t think Heavenly Father wants us to be hardened, cynical, fearful creatures. He wants us to realize how much He loves us, but He can’t bless us if we are too afraid to receive those blessings. If we give people a chance and believe in them, they will not disappoint us. The development of faith in God and in others, then, is one of the means and the purposes of marriage.

2. To become more like Christ

Similarly, the very qualities that are needed to make a marriage successful are also reasons to take the jump into eternal marriage. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states that “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” Without the guiding hand and blessings of God in the marriage, it will fail. Elder James A. Faust was firm when he said, “Marriages can die from a lack of spiritual nourishment” (Faust, 2007). Without humbling ourselves to God’s influence, we are subject to our own mortal weaknesses.

That is why the principle of repentance is critical in marriage. In our marriages, when we “regularly conduct honest self-examination and promptly take needed steps to repent and improve, [we] experience a healing balm in our marriages” (Clayton, 2013). Perhaps because of my artistic tendencies, I am able to find an area of improvement in almost anything, especially in myself. Although it can be painful to realize our weaknesses, it is for a wise purpose that God gives them to us. He wants us to know that through Christ, we can overcome them (Ether 12:27).

There are many other Christ-like qualities that a good marriage will bring out in a person, including humility, dedication, listening skills, and selflessness. About his wife, Elder Richard G. Scott reflects,

“Jeanene’s kindness taught me so many valuable things. I was so immature, and she was so disciplined and so spiritual. Marriage provides an ideal setting for overcoming any tendency to be selfish or self-centered. I think one of the reasons that we are counseled to get married early in life is to avoid developing inappropriate character traits that are hard to change” (Scott, 2011).

It is not my intent to extoll the necessity of each of these Christ-like attributes, but to point out that without these attributes, a marriage will fail. And yet it is marriage itself that is the best place to refine and develop these qualities. No other role in life stretches and reveals us so much.

3. To fulfill God’s purposes through children

The Family: A Proclamation to the World very clearly expounds the roles of a man and woman as parents, which is exemplified from the very beginning, with Adam and Eve. The very first commandment that God gave to them was to “be fruitful, and multiply and replenish the Earth” (Genesis 1:28). The Proclamation states that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

Although I do not have specific statistics, I know from personal experience and from anecdotal observation that happy temple marriages produce more diligence, faith, and happiness in children than unhappy marriages or split families. After all, Helaman’s two thousand stripling warriors “did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them” (Alma 56:47). Investing in an eternal marriage is investing in the salvation of the children from that marriage.

Since God’s single purpose is to “bring to pass the immortality and the eternal life of man,” if we are to be like God, we must use our mortal lives to practice saving souls (Moses 1:39). By being sealed, we show our willingness to obtain the highest degree of salvation in the Celestial Kingdom, which means eternal increase. From what President Hugh B. Brown says in the “Latter-Day Concept of Marriage”, I think that eternal increase has to do with the saving of souls. It takes two in this life, and it will take two in the next. Only those who endure to the end with their eternal companions now will be prepared to assist in the chain of salvation in the next.

4. Eternally progressing in family roles

Speaking of eternal progression, there is another aspect to it that I found. As Latter-Day Saints, we often refer to Christ as both the “father” and the “son” (Mosiah 15:2). Christ is the Son because He is the Begotten Son of God, chosen to atone for our sins. Yet because He atoned for our sins, we can only become heirs of the Father through Him. Thus Christ is the father of our salvation.

Similarly, in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, we will be sealed not only to our immediate family, but also to their parents, and their parents, and their parents, and so on. We will therefore simultaneously occupy the position of parent to our children, child to our parents. This chain continues indefinitely both behind (ancestors) and in front (descendants) of us. We become more like Christ as we learn how to fulfill all these roles in the eternities (Gong, 2010). But the blessing of this eternal increase - eternally becoming - is only available to us if we are sealed into the great human family by means of our sealing to our companion.

5. Becoming one

This is the discovery that I anticipated when beginning my inquiry. I have always wondered at the distinctness of every human being. Although I know intellectually that we are all children of God, and we all have fairly similar needs, fears, and motivations, sometimes it seems that my own thoughts alienate me from the rest of the human race. That I am the only one who appreciates the things I do, or feels my particular brand of vulnerability. On Earth, we are bound within the walls of our physical bodies. We cannot touch someone spirit to spirit as the Holy Ghost can, so we must instead resort to fallible logic and language to explain our feelings.

The beauty of marriage is that we can bridge this chasm and start to become one. In Moses 3:23, Adam says of Eve, “This I know now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.” In marriage, we can physically become one through sexual intimacy, which Elder Holland refers to as a sacrament,

“not only a symbolic union between a man and a woman--the uniting of their very souls--but it is also symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours” (Holland, 1989).

Jesus spoke to the Pharisees of the importance of becoming one in marriage when he said, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore, they are no more twain, but are one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19:5-6). In day to day marriage, we are expected to share everything with each other, including the tender, insecure, fearful parts of ourselves that we hide from the rest of the world.

Every person on Earth sings a different song, weaves a different life with their everyday choices. But we were not meant to sing alone. In Celestial marriage, “The most perfect music is the welding of two voices into one spiritual song” (Faust, 2007). There is nothing quite like a moment of complete harmony, where two people’s purposes support and beautify one another in unity. One man’s last journal entry exemplifies what we can become in marriage, through his tribute to his wife:

“Where you are is home. Where you are not is homesickness. As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love, although love is the greatest thing in earth. It is loyalty. For were I driven away in shame you would follow. If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe me. With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of Heaven” (Hafen, 2007).

As humans, we need the joy that comes from overcoming the gulf. We need to know that there is someone on this Earth who feels what we feel and will stand united with us forever. Luckily, if a person lives righteously, seeking to align his or her will with God’s, God will bless the marriage with greater oneness. And as a person seeks to become one with his or her spouse, they will both grow to be more one with God. It is an elegant, eternal triad between husband, wife, and God.

6. To equally complete one another

Along the same lines as oneness, is the doctrine that men and women complete each other. I put this in a separate category because whereas “oneness” is abstract - the details often intuitively, but not verbally understood - “completing” one another can be defined and expounded upon in more concrete terms.

President Hinckley states, “In his grand design when God first created man, he created a duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other, as Paul stated, ‘Neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man in the Lord’ ” (Hinckley, 2004; 1 Corinthians 11:11). We know from the Family: A Proclamation to the World, that men and women have distinct, but equal roles to play in the family. There are some nowadays who say that these gender roles are subjective and expired. Those who say so are lost in the devil’s deception, and cannot understand the joy that comes from fulfilling one’s specific duty as a man or woman on this Earth. Frequently under attack is the ideal of a woman spending her days at home with the children instead of entering the workforce. But in the eyes of the Lord, it is a noble calling and responsibility for women, for “what job in life could possibly be more important than molding the character of another human being?” (Benson, 1981)

In Genesis 3:16, God sets Adam’s role to “rule over” Eve. Elder Hafen disagrees with the common interpretation of this scripture, which is that a man must dominate or take precedence over his wife. Instead, Elder Hafen suggests that a man’s role is to be the “measuring stick” of righteousness for his wife, as “being a ruler is not so much a privilege of power as it is an obligation for a man to practice what he preaches” (Hafen, 2007). God clearly does not want any sort of unrighteous dominion in Celestial marriages. If so, “the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man” (D&C 121:37).

It is a couple’s differences that provide variety and excitement to a marriage. From the many young men that I have spent time with in my college years, I can easily recount the differences between them and myself. For the most part, it seems that men are better able to focus deeply on one subject at a time, and have a hard time multitasking. One time I was talking to a friend on the phone while he was at the grocery store. He was so focused on our conversation that he walked out of the store without paying for his soda! Shortly after realizing his mistake, he told me he’d have to end the call so that he could focus on paying for his purchase.

Although men and women have different responsibilities in marriage - the man to provide and preside, the woman to support and nurture - individual characteristics vary. This is why it is so critical to get to know someone thoroughly during through dating before making an eternal covenant. It is the process is when a couple compares one another’s weaknesses and strengths. Ideally, both the man and the woman, although different, will push each other to be the best that they can be. Just as a house divided cannot stand, so a marriage must be equally yoked (Mark 3:25, 2 Corinthians 6:14).

7. To find joy in this life and in the next

When Elder James A. Faust was still practicing law, he dealt with many divorce cases. He ran into one of his clients years after he had helped her receive her divorce, and “noticed that the years of loneliness and discouragement were evident on her once-beautiful face… she was quick to say that life had not been rich and rewarding for her, and she was tired of facing the struggle alone” (Faust, 2007). The woman told Elder Faust that if she could re-live her life, she would have not had chosen to get a divorce. The so-glorified single life was worse.

Perhaps it is merely the age group I fall into, but I know quite a few people who claim that marriage is constricting, and that they find greater happiness in being single. First of all, as a future therapist, I question their definition of happiness and their method of self-evaluation. It is not natural for humans to live their lives alone, which is why we face so much loneliness in this life.

I started out this semester with a resolve to focus entirely on my schoolwork, and to avoid distractions, because I’m trying to get straight A’s so that I can transfer to BYU Provo. I even joked with my roommates that I was actively trying NOT to make any friends. Needless to say, despite all my efforts to avoid eye contact with attractive young men in the hallways, I stumbled into a friendship a few weeks ago that forces me to reevaluate my mindset. This friend of mine shares all the same interests I do, like art, writing, learning Russian, and making music. Last week he invited me to an organ recital, and I am teaching him how to dance. We find time together nearly every day to discuss ideas and share our enthusiasm with each other. Have my studies suffered? Perhaps, marginally. But is it worth it? I think it is. I laugh more now that I spend time with him. I am pushed to think more deeply about spiritual matters, and to trust God more. I find more opportunities to develop my talents, because I know that he appreciates them and is excited when I develop them.

More concretely, my cousin at BYU Provo is a psychology major and recently participated in a study that suggests that “loneliness and social isolation are just as much a threat to longevity as obesity.” The lead author of the study, Julianne Holt-Lunstad, affirms that “ ‘We need to start taking our social relationships more seriously’ ” (BYU News, 2015). After reading the study results, I teased my new friend that by spending time together, we weren’t neglecting our schoolwork, we were merely helping one another to live longer. Although we spoke in jest, really, the study provides temporal weight to the doctrine of marriage. We find greater joy in life when we have someone to share it with. As we give our time and souls to our companion, our own joy is multiplied to a new level.

In Parley P. Pratt’s autobiography, he expresses gratitude to Joseph Smith for expanding Parley’s appreciation of love and marriage. Joseph taught him,

“... that the wife of my bosom might be secured to me for time and all eternity; and that the refined sympathies and affections which endeared us to each other emanated from the fountain of divine eternal love… I had loved before, but I knew not why. But now I loved – with a pureness – with an intensity of elevated, exalted feeling, which would lift my soul from the transitory things of this groveling sphere and expand it as the ocean… In short, I could now love with the spirit and the understanding also. Yet, at that time, my dearly beloved brother, Joseph Smith, had… merely lifted a corner of the veil and given me a single glance into eternity” (Bednar, 2006).

Parley’s tender words capture the essence of joyful marriage, both mortally and eternally. It was only after Joseph taught him of the Plan of Salvation that his joy in love was able to expand to such new heights. We can find happiness on this Earth through living the principles of the Gospel, but it cannot compare to the happiness we will find in eternity. As we live worthy of a Celestial marriage, God will grant to us a glimpse of eternal joy. Do I fully comprehend the joy that comes from marriage? No. I can hypothesize based on comparative relationships; I can interview married persons; I can read talks given by apostles of the Lord; I can even ponder these things at the temple. But I cannot fully understand it because I have not yet lived it. Yet I have faith that someday I will find incomparable joy in marriage.

WORKS CITED

1 Corinthians 11:11

2 Corinthians 6:14

Abraham 5:14

Alma 56:47

Bednar, David A. “Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” June 2006 Ensign.

Benson, Ezra Taft. “The Honored Place of Women,” October 1981 General Conference

Brown, Hugh B. “The Latter-Day Concept of Marriage,” June 2011 Ensign.

Brigham Young University News. “Prescription for Living Longer: Spend less time alone,” 15 March 2015.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 1995.

Clayton, L. Whitney. “Marriage: Watch and Learn,” April 2013 General Conference.

Doctrine & Covenants 121:37, 131:2

Ether 12:27

Faust, James A. “Enriching Your Marriage,” April 2011 Ensign.

Genesis 1:28, 3:16

Gong, Gerrit W. “Temple Mirrors of Eternity: A Testimony of Family,” October 2010 General Conference.

Hafen, Bruce C. & Marie K. “Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners,” August 2007 Ensign.

Hinckley, Gordon B. “The Women in Our Lives,” October 2004 General Conference.

Holland, Jeffrey R. “Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” Brigham Young University, 1989.

Mark 3:25

Matthew 19:5-6

Moses 1:39, 3:18-23;

Mosiah 15:2

Scott, Richard G. “The Eternal Blessings of Marriage,” April 2011 General Conference.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Forces of Creation: Truth

I believe that there are opposing forces in the world. From a religious standpoint, you could could call it "good" and "evil." Whether or not you believe in the existence of a loving, benevolent God or a lying, manipulative devil, there are creative forces in the world, and destructive ones. Because I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I call those creative forces "good", and the destructive forces "evil", but the essence remains the same regardless of what you call them.

Creating is an act of innovation and inspiration. There is virtue in organizing previously chaotic matter into something of substance, beauty, or ingenuity. For the most part, creations serve a purpose. God created the world for us to live on and be tested. Writers, composers, and artists of all kinds create in order to share their unique vision with the world, in the hopes that it might resonate inside someone. Architects, engineers, and innovators across all fields of science seek to make sense of unorganized information and matter. When used to uplift, inspire, and edify humanity, these are all forces of good. They are forces of creation.

However, one often overlooked means of creation - means of engendering good in the world - is how we interact with one another. The words we speak have power to either create or destroy. You can uplift someone by complimenting them, appreciating their contributions, or sharing something that inspired you. But with words, we also have the power to cut someone down, suppress their ideas and their voice, belittle them, and cause rifts in the way they perceive themselves and others.

Although I am a Mormon, and attribute my understanding of these opposing forces to my continuing enlightenment by God, I believe that this is something that anyone with an honest, open heart can understand. I have grown closer to God exponentially in the past two (ish) years, insomuch that the things that once bothered me and riled me up now pass along peacefully, and the ideals and practices I once scorned and resented now uplift and bring me strength. As such, I've found that as I grow closer to God, I see more clearly the way in which these forces of creation and destruction interact and lead us in varying paths.

Whoever you are, whatever your sexual orientation, your political views, or your religion (or lack thereof), I believe that you can be a force for good in the world. You can create and inspire love, order, and understanding across all canyons of differences. Just because someone is different from you in belief or practice does not mean that you must hate, mistrust, or scorn them. Such deeds are insidious acts of destruction which bring loneliness, misunderstanding, and often violence.

It is easy to be caught up in ourselves and point fingers at the world, saying, "Look what he did!" "Look at how terribly she treats others!" but so much harder to look inside ourselves and ask if we are any better. Oftentimes we can get so caught up in pointing out each other's flaws that we fail to see the virtues that could be built upon to add goodness and love to our lives.

An example of such lays in Dear Santa, a corny Christmas movie I recently finished watching that inevitably ended with the female protagonist getting the family she'd wished for. (Spoiler alert!) The movie begins when Crystal finds a letter to Santa from a young girl, asking for a new mother for Christmas. Crystal feels inspired, and through an admittedly awkward locating process, she positions herself to meet the girl's father, Derek. She and Derek begin a tentative friendship.

Unfortunately, Derek's kind-of girlfriend Jillian is immediately jealous of Crystal, and seeks for any and every opportunity to point out Crystal's flaws to Derek, ranging from "Oh, she can't cook," to "She never graduated from college." Eventually the Jillian stumbles across the letter from Santa while rummaging through Crystal's unattended wallet. She triumphantly shows it to Derek as proof of Crystal's dishonesty. He is, of course, dismayed, and breaks off his just budding romance with Crystal.

Is it true that Crystal deliberately positioned herself to meet Derek because she knew he was looking for a new wife? Yes. Did she lie about it? Yes, by omission. Therefore, Derek's "girlfriend" did not speak anything but the "truth" to him by accusing Crystal of deceiving him. But that's not the point. The point is that although it started out as a game for her, Crystal soon grew to really care for Derek and his daughter Olivia. Throughout the course of the movie we see continual proof of her earnestness, compassion, and kindness. She felt remorse for not telling Derek how she met him, and tried to tell him once, but outside factors intervened and she lost her chance.

Some may say that you cannot excuse a person's bad deeds by their good intentions, or by separate good deeds. I firmly disagree. While the person ought to be held accountable for their transgression and do all in their power to make the situation right, we must be careful to look into that person's heart before we cast a "final judgment." I'm not speaking of unlawful, jail-worthy things here; I speak of the smaller, seemingly trivial misunderstandings and slights that we encounter every day in our workplaces, schools, churches, and families.

In my religion, we speak a lot about the concept of faith: having hope in something that cannot be seen. Most of the time we refer to having faith in God, or in Christ, or in the power of prayer, etc. But it is also important to have faith in other people. No mortal being is perfect, and so we all have things we've done or said that could condemn us, if someone took the time to search out our flaws and compile them into one compelling, convicting case. What matters more is that we look forward to the bright future we could have. We must not choose ignorance of a person's virtues simply because of a perceived vice.

Orson Scott Card, also a Mormon, presents this quite gracefully in his Seventh Son series. Alvin, the main character, is a man of honesty who seeks only to create peace and harmony in the world. However, over the course of his life, many who are envious of Alvin's talents seek to dirty his name. They set both legal and physical traps for him and spread vicious and misconstrued rumors about him, thus causing many people to hate, revile, and seek after Alvin's life.

It is ironic, then, that I received a whiplash of doubt and hate after I expressed my excitement to meet Brother Card at a recent church event. Just like Alvin, there are vicious rumors spreading about Brother Card, engendering hate, judgment, and mistrust, dissuading people from ever wanting to read his books.

These are tools of destruction. They are aimed to disprove Card's integrity and discount the virtue of his writings. But they are wrong. As someone who earnestly seeks for truth and light, who seeks only to be inspired and uplifted, believe me when I say that I know integrity, wisdom, and compassion when I see it.

And thus we see another eternal law: what you look for is what you will find. Try an experiment with me. Go somewhere with lots of people, somewhere where you can sit and observe unobtrusively. Now take a moment to scan the crowd and count how many people are wearing orange. Write it down, remember it. Now, I ask you: How many people were wearing purple? No, you don't get to look again; that's cheating. From the data you wrote down from that initial glance, can you tell me how many people were wearing purple? Of course not! You find what you look for.

Thus, if you seek out misery, loneliness, and instances where you or someone else has been wronged, that is all you'll find. You'll find multitudes of evidence of everyone else's flaws and how they've hurt you and done you an injustice, all the while not even seeing the good that those people bring to your life. If you are looking to dig up bones about my past, Orson Scott Card's past, or even the origins of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you'll find it. Other people who seed destruction and hate goodness will always try to warp your interpretation of something virtuous.

But if you are an earnest seeker of truth and light, who wants to build other people up instead of cutting them down, then you will be able to perceive past the mists of darkness that obscure the integrity of good things. How is it possible, you ask, to find recognize truth? There is a passage in the Book of Mormon which perfectly expounds how to recognize truth:

"Wherefore, a man being evil cannot do that which is good; neither will he give a good gift.

For behold, a bitter fountain cannot bring forth good water; neither can a good fountain bring forth bitter water; wherefore, a man being a servant of the devil cannot follow Christ; and if he follow Christ he cannot be a servant of the devil.

Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.

But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired by God.

Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.

For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night." (Moroni 7:10-15)

Let me repeat: "A bitter fountain cannot bring forth good water; neither can a good fountain bring forth bitter water." Earlier in the chapter Moroni says, "For I remember the word of God which saith by their works ye shall know them; for if their works be good, then they are good also." (verse 5)

Basically, he's saying that the way to tell between good and evil, creation and destruction, truth and lies, is by looking at the fruits of the labor. Turning to an outside source for information on a person's integrity, especially when those sources actively seek to destroy that integrity, is as effective as refusing to interview someone for a job, and instead interviewing all their exes. Of course you're going to find negative things about the person. Would you hire or refuse to hire the man based solely on the testimony of those who hate him? Of course not! It's preposterous. The best way for you to know someone's integrity is to interview them yourself.

In the case of my favorite author, Orson Scott Card, I don't even bother seeking out the negative things people have said about him, because I've already "interviewed" him and found his character to be noble and uplifting. I "interview" him personally by reading his books, because they are the fruit of his character. An author cannot obscure their integrity or lack thereof in their writings. It will always shine through. I've found that through reading his books I am inspired to build up my family through patience and love, develop my own writing talents, and grow closer to God, the creator of all things.

If you're wondering about the validity of a person or an idea, look to see what it engenders. Do the people who love it spread creation or destruction? What about those who say it is nothing but a falsehood? Do they spread feelings of peace, joy, and love, or of strife, hate, and malice? Trust your gut. Trust the light that is in you to recognize light in others.

I cannot speak of this without mentioning the controversy which surrounds my own religion, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Perhaps some of you reading this question my convictions, question why I believe what I do. Instead of scouring the internet and believing every harmful thing said about my church, why don't you go to the direct source and find out for yourself? With an honest, open heart, seeking for truth, read the Book of Mormon and pray about it.

Moroni himself, at the end of the Book of Mormon, dares you to give it a try. He challenges,

"Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:3-5) Your internal compass - your deep desire to find truth amid the confusions and controversies that abound in these days - will connect with truth when you find it.

I know that the Book of Mormon is true. I know it because I seek after anything virtuous, lovely, of good report, or praiseworthy, and in my seekings, the Holy Ghost has resonated the truth of the book in me. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints contains the fulness of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ. I do not bury my head in the sand by ignoring the forces which try to dissuade me from the goodness and creation I've found. Rather, I reject the voices beckoning from the darkness, because I've found the brightness of the noonday sun.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland exhorts us to love one another in a marvelous BYU address called, "How Do I Love Thee." I encourage you to read or listen to the entire speech, even if you aren't Mormon. Regardless, for my purposes here I only quote a small passage from his speech, in which he says,

"Think the best of each other, especially of those you say you love. Assume the good and doubt the bad. Encourage in yourself what Abraham Lincoln called 'the better angels of our nature' (First Inaugural Address, 4 March 1861). Othello could have been saved even in the last moment when he kissed Desdemona and her purity was so evident… This tragically sad Elizabethan tale could have had a beautiful, happy ending if just one man, who then influenced another, had thought no evil, had rejoiced not in iniquity, but had rejoiced in truth."

You cannot feel the warmth of the sun until you step out from shadows yourself. You can know truth for yourself. And in doing so, you will assist the forces of creation: creating harmony, love, and understanding between all peoples. I have faith in people. I choose to believe the good things about people. Am I perfect at it? Of course not. But I actively strive to seek out the good in others, even if it does not yet exist. For perhaps in my seeking, I can inspire them to do better, to turn from lies and darkness to truth and light. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

A More Excellent Way

Only a few of your faces are familiar, but this pulpit in this meetinghouse is as familiar to me as my own hand. This is my home ward building, this is where I grew up, and this is where I have returned after months of being in Utah first for college, and then the Missionary Training Center. I entered the MTC on September 10th, 2014, but was released two weeks later and sent home to work through some medical issues.

Needless to say, my life has gone through some significant changes in the past few weeks. My family and friends are all very supportive, reassuring me that the doctors will figure it out, and I’ll be back on my mission in no time. Everyone keeps offering tidbits of their own medical wisdom to me, saying, “Oh, you just have a sodium deficiency,” or “You must have a pinched nerve,” or even, “Have you ingested any pesticides lately?” No, I haven’t. And to be frank, although I appreciate the concern, I disagree. That’s not the question. Of course I’m curious about what exactly is causing my condition, but it’s not what I pray for. I’m not worried at all about my health. What concerns me is:

What will I do next?

That is the question. That is what I carried within my heart to General Conference this year. What would you have me do, Lord?

That is why, when asked to speak on a conference talk from this past conference, I immediately thought of Carlos A. Godoy’s talk: The Lord has a Plan for Us! When preparing to speak today, I also turned to Elder Uchtdorf’s talk, Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth. There’s a common thread between these talks, and it’s the principle of personal revelation.

Elder Godoy relates how, when faced with the decision to come to America as a scholarship student, “it was not a decision between what was right and what was wrong, but between what was good and what was better.” Too often, we label all our choices as bad or good. But as we come to live more fully in the light of the Gospel, our choices are illuminated in varying shades of good, better, and best.

In 1 Corinthians 12:31, Paul urges, “But covet ye earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way.”

I know for me, this is what my life has turned into. Keeping the Question in mind - What do I do next? - I have to evaluate: what will be best for me, for my family, for my future progeny? What is the more excellent way? Am I to return to my mission? Am I to serve as a member-missionary? Am I supposed to return to school? If so, where? I applied to BYU Provo for the fifth time this past month, and was declined yet again. So BYU Provo was out. It was confusing and altogether terrifying because I desire so much to do what the Lord wants me to do; I don’t want to go down a second-rate path, and live a second-rate life. I want to live the glorious path that the Lord has set out for me.

What do we do, then, if, even with all our powers of thought and imagination, we cannot decide which path is best? As President Uchtdorf explains, “If you want to recognize spiritual truth, you have to use the right instruments. You can’t come to an understanding of spiritual truths with instruments that are unable to detect it.” Of all the classes I took and all the social blunders I committed, the single most important thing I learned while in Utah this year is this principle. I learned how to turn to the Lord, to not just assume that I know best. I learned to fast and “pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart”, to immerse myself in the scriptures with an intensity and focus I’ve never before experienced.

In his talk, Elder Godoy shares three steps to “ensure that we are making the right decision,” which fit perfectly with President Uchtdorf’s four steps to experiment on the word of God and receive further light. All decisions are spiritual decisions, because everything in this life either leads us closer to Heavenly Father or further from Him. That is not to say that we need to fret and fast about which brand of paprika to buy at the grocery store; God gives us brains for a reason. But in matters that could greatly influence our future and our families’ futures, we should first turn to the Lord.

According to Elder Godoy, the first step of decision making is to begin with the end in mind. We need to make sure that our actions indicate the “end” that is congruent with our values. Regardless of age, gender, or occupation, ultimately we all have the same “end”, or goal: to return to live with Christ and Heavenly Father forever. After General Conference the very first thing I did was open up my patriarchal blessing and read through it, to ask the question that Elder Godoy recalls: “If [I] continue to live as [I] am living, will the blessings in [my] patriarchal blessing be fulfilled?” I spent a good hour or so studying it, not only listing out the blessings, but also the expectations the Lord sets for me. I realized that even though I’m living righteously, there’s always more I can do. I contented myself with the fact that even though God hadn’t yet told me what He wanted me to do in the upcoming months and year, I can still focus on helping out my family today. Even that realization was a minor revelation, because I shifted my focus from spending hours a day studying Russian to interacting with my siblings, cleaning the house, and talking with my mom. I know it is making a difference in our family, and yes, it does bring me closer to my goal of eternal life, because family IS eternal life. There is no better place to practice Christ-like attributes than in my own family.

Next, “we need to be prepared for the challenges that come. The best paths in life are rarely the easiest. Often, it is exactly the opposite.” This is the point where we really need to buckle down and throw ourselves at God through earnest prayer, fasting, and scripture study. Elder Uchtdorf’s steps of receiving personal light and truth fit in very nicely here.

First, we need to “search the word of God… not with an intent to doubt or criticize, but with a sincere desire to discover truth.” If it seems like you haven’t yet received a clear answer, don’t despair, KEEP seeking. Look at all the past prophets who have received revelation from the Lord, and remember “how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.” The Lord loves you just as much as He loves Adam, Enoch, Noah, Moses, and Joseph Smith. Elder Uchtdorf assures us that God “will manifest the truth to you by the power of the Holy Ghost. He will grant you greater light that will allow you to look through the darkness and witness unimaginably glorious vistas incomprehensible to mortal sight.”

Then, don’t forget ask God, in the name of Jesus Christ, if the choice you’re leaning towards is true, if the seed planted in your heart is a good seed. If, after praying, you’re only 5% more certain of your decision than before you prayed, you are on the right track. The final way to verify the godliness of your choice is to act on it. Act on that percentage, whatever it may be.

In the MTC, in my first visit with the doctor about my legs buckling, he asked me if I would prefer to go home and figure things out with a neurologist there. “No!” I exclaimed. Of course not. Surely, I thought, I’m not THAT unwell. But over the next few days I had many doctors’ visits to receive the results of the MRI of my spine and the blood tests, both of which appeared entirely normal. Again, the doctor suggested I go home and speak with a neurologist, because it would take too long to figure things out in the MTC.

I realized there was a choice ahead of me. If I had chosen to stay in the MTC, I doubt I would have stayed long before they forced me to go home. Regardless, after much prayer and heart wrenching personal study, I was 75% sure I needed to go home. Luckily, the next day our district got to go to the temple to do an endowment session. I tried to fast, I really did! I went with a desperate heart, a growling stomach, a racking cough, and two cumbersome crutches. But mere minutes into the endowment session, I was coughing so hard that my nose started bleeding profusely and I had to leave and lie down for a bit. The temple workers had a right to be concerned, considering the state I was in: a terrible cough, a bloody nose, faulty legs, and runny eyes. I didn’t tell them that the reason I was crying wasn’t because I had cold. I was crying because I knew. I knew that I had to go home. Although I had good intentions in the temple as well as on my mission, for the sake of at least my health, I had to go home. Directly after our temple visit that day I met with a District President of the MTC, who told me I would leave the next day.

Outwardly, it may not have seemed like I acted on my impression to go home. Inwardly, I had made my decision even before I went to the temple; I just needed that little extra push. Not every choice we make will be that drastic. Right now, even, I’ve made a choice that I’m not going back on my mission for at least six months, and am working towards that decision by spending time with my family, going back to work, and applying to BYU-Idaho. The final, verifying part of this decision will be when I actually get to campus and start taking classes and living life in Rexburg. I felt the impression to go to BYU-Idaho strongly before, but I know that living there will seal it for me. “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself.” John’s statement comforts me, because I don’t want to choose selfishly. I want to choose God’s path for me; I want to choose the more excellent way. I know that if I act on even my 55% spiritual impressions, if I follow through instead of sitting stagnantly and unsurely, then I will know whether I am doing God’s will or my own.

The consequences of our choices will come, and if we have chosen right, chosen God’s path, Satan will surely try to make us doubt our decision. Elder Holland, in a marvelous BYU address called Cast Not Away Therefore Thy Confidence, expounds this principle. He says,

“It is in… the process of revelation and making important decisions, fear plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role… After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel His love and hear the word of the Lord, go forward. Don’t fear, don’t vacillate, don’t quibble, don’t whine. You may, like Ammon going to Ammonihah, have to find a route that leads an unusual way, but that is exactly what the Lord is doing here for the children of Israel. Nobody has ever crossed the Red Sea this way before, but so what? There’s always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet.”

No matter what your decision is, there will be challenges. If you can’t see anything challenging ahead, anything that stretches, annoys, humbles, or distresses you, it might not be the right decision. I am not saying that you ought to doubt and fret; quite the contrary. I’m saying that if you HAVE doubts, don’t worry, because as long as you remember your spiritual witness, you can keep going and push the doubts away.

Finally, Elder Godoy mentions something I often forget while making decisions: We need to share our vision with the people we love. In 1 Nephi 8, when Lehi partakes of the fruit of the tree of life, he says, “it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit.” Immediately, Lehi looked for his family and beckoned to them, because he wanted them to share in his joy. But two of his sons, Laman and Lemuel, did not partake of the fruit, which caused Lehi to “exeedingly [fear] for Laman and Lemuel… and he did exhort them then with all the feeling of a tender parent, that they would hearken to his words.” When Elder Godoy decided to come study in America, he and his wife still had two children at home. As he says, “When we decide to take a certain path, the people we love will be affected, and some will even share with us the results of this choice. Ideally, they will see what we see, and share our convictions. This is not always possible, but when it occurs, the journey is much easier.”

I am lucky that my family and loved ones supported me so much with my decision to serve a mission. Coming back from the MTC, though, is a different experience. Honestly, being back does not trouble me much, as I have had personal spiritual witnesses that this is the path that the Lord wants me to take, no matter how circuitous or illogical it may be to my frail human logic. But my mom is still working through it. It is hard for her because she has not had the same spiritual impressions I have had. But honestly, it doesn’t matter. It is not her decision to make. It is between myself and God. I want her to be happy with my decisions, but I can’t force her to feel the same conviction I do. The people who cannot understand why I claim to know what I know, are “completely mistaken,” as President Uchtdorf explains. “They might be well-meaning and sincere. They might feel absolutely positive of their opinion. But they simply would not be able to see clearly because they had not yet received the more complete light of truth.”

Granted, there’s a difference between bearing one’s testimony to a non-believer and trying to reassure your mother that you’ve made the right decision, but although the degree of disagreement differs, the essence is the same. They have yet to receive the more complete light of truth. I love President Uchtdorf’s statement, “We do not condemn others for the amount of light they may or may not have; rather, we nourish and encourage all light until it grows clear, bright, and true.” If your loved ones do not agree or understand a decision you’ve made that you KNOW is prompted by God, don’t worry. Don’t be upset with them. Just love them all the more. Forgive them; they’re trying the best they can with the knowledge they have. Christ, just before his death at the hands of his own people, said to the Father, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

All of us are at different points in our spiritual journeys. We each receive revelation according to our unique circumstances, the fulness of which only God knows. Live true to how God wants you to live. Keep the goal of eternal life in mind. Don’t fear or doubt your spiritual impressions, and don’t forget to love and forgive those who misunderstand you. Although our lives may be different, we are one in the cause of Christ, in Zion, in working towards Him. In the words of Elder Holland, quoting Joseph Smith, “shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on to the victory!”

I know that God lives and loves each one of us. I know that Christ atoned for us, and through Him, we can return to live with Heavenly Father once more. I know that continually searching for personal revelation fills our lives with light, hope, direction, and purpose. I am grateful to be a member of the restored church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and for the opportunity I have to supplicate the Lord and receive his blessings. I say these things in the name of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

REFERENCES:

“The Lord Has a Plan For Us!”, Elder Carlos A. Godoy, October 2014 General Conference

“Receiving a Testimony of Light and Truth”, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014 General Conference

“Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence”, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, March 2000 Ensign Magazine

1 Corinthians 12:31

Moroni 10:3

John 7:17

1 Nephi 8:36-37

Luke 23:34